No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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