Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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