I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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