You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The best revenge is premature balding
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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