I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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