She just used a chaser for red wine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
