Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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