After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
