my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and she was petting her beer can
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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