and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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