I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
