I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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