we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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