the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nutella sex= disaster
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
