so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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