So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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