It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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