Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
