i think my tv is drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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