genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
