he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
