hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
