Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The best revenge is premature balding
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
