dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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