omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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