mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
zippers are such a cool invention
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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