did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
