Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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