Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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