we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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