I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
