Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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