he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
two words...techno handjob
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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