if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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