awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is my gift to your gina
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
