she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
