I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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