i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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