My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
