oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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