it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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