He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
