i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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