but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
