I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
