Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i have two assholes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
