i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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