I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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