Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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