Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
