I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
