No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
