how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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