Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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