Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
