I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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