i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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