i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
