Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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