Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
