forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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