it wasn't lemon gatorade
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
