It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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