I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
