I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
