There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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