I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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