im holly from the hills drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
