the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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