I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
