Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
