Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
