I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
